#CHITURNSTOOOLD

I turned 20 in February but I procrastinated this post till today, not because I wasn't enthusiastic about my birthday but I just procrastinated. And to be very frank, I'm very glad that I drafted this entry two close to three months later. Why? Simply because only recently did I notice myself growing & blossoming into a more matured lady. Already in the twenties club, cannot use the term "girl" HAHAHAHA but I still like believe that there's a little girl in me always hehe. 

I celebrated my 20th birthday with different groups of people & I chose to post all of the photos including the unglam ones because I was genuinely very happy to be able to celebrate my special day with the people I love. Also, I noticed that I have more vids than photos this year. Now that's a first!

First: Early Birthday lunch with my aunt & fammy!! Hehe thank you for the amazing jap buffet treat, still drooling whenever I think of the super yummz food from there!

Second: Birthday lunch with the bestests two days before my birthday! I was honestly surprised by the kinky present you got for me hehe!!  

They were so adorbz because they got me a Snow White Balloon (cause I always claim that I'm a princess HAHAHA not those spoilt brat kinda way but y'know magical, forever singing, special sort of way) & a "It's a girl" balloon (no idea why they got me that, was so worried my mum thought otherwise). 

Big big thank you for squeezing time out to celebrate my birthday despite all of your busy schedules & school that week! I lost count of the number of times we celebrated our birthdays together but I'm still very thankful that we try our best to make time for each others' special day. We're all growing up, leading our own lives, being busy with different commitments but I do hope that this tradition of us won't ever stop & I really can't wait for us to grow up and old together. Chi loves you girls!

Third: Birthday dinnz treat from my family & dessert treat from Ryan. I wouldn't be who I am if not for you all. While I was growing up, I didn't enjoy time at home because of many factors (those "rebellious" days, though I honestly didn't think I was a rebel). I started seeing more things, understanding more things, finding out my own identity, standing up for myself & fighting for what I believe in - inspirations, dreams, beliefs, values & principles.

But right now, after I hit my big two, I'm starting to appreciate time with my family. I mean, I've loved them,I do. But there was a period which I felt like a "stranger" in my own home. Now, I'm still in the midst of finding a balance and courage to openly love my family while being who I am. I figured this part wouldn't make sense to y'all unless you're really really close to me. But y'know what, I'm trying and I'll continue trying.

Fourth: surprise celebration from Kai

This silly boy got me crying like a lil baby several times on my big day. Sneaky Kai actually co-ordinated with my godma (who brought me out shoe shopping in the morning) to give me a surprise. I was initially at Robinsons looking and stuffs & out of the blue, Kai popped out of nowhere! (He told me had "classes") Genuinely gave me a surprise because I'd never ever expect him to contact my family and plan a sneaky surprise like this.

He accompanied me home as I needed to shower & prepped for the night! Oh yes, he got me this really yummz cake from a Jap bakery at Isetan too. He had this black bag which he held the whole day & in it contained all the little presents that I received one by one throughout the night.

My first present I got was a box of my fave Dars chocolate! I never knew about this chocolate till Kai gave them to me when we were together during our sec school days. It slowly became my favourite chocolate ever since.

Then he brought me to the Sushi Bar @ FEP because I love love love Jap cuisine. The food was so good & I wanna go there again for their "shiok-maki" look alike but tastes even better than that!! Before our food arived, he passed to me a hand-written poem he composed & that got me bursting to tears. It was so so super sweet (': Y'know what Kai said "Woah jialat, this small thing you cry until so bad, later you'll cry even more leh."

After dinnz, he planned on bringing me to Ion Sky as I was raving about it but to his disappointment, it was closed on my birthday. Major bummer & Kai was rather upset hahahha cause he wanted to bring me there to pass me my present(s). I felt so so bad seeing Kai so disappointed so I suggested Somerset's rooftop garden instead. Had to make do with the make-shift "Ion Sky" & the weather was perfect for the outdoor garden so why not?

Upon finding the perfect spot, Kai presented my presents to me which got me crying so so bad that I think the patrons in the restaurants thought that Kai was breaking up with me or something HAHAHA. He gave me a mixed tape (CD) of songs he sang because I love it when he serenades to me teehees, makes me tear & have butterflies in my tummy. 

I get my very own live concert always whenever we're chilling at Kai's & on days when I'm not feeling too good, I'm feeling down or when I miss him, I'd always watch the vids of him seeing in my phone - that makes me feel instantly better. 

Just when I thought I was the luckiest girl ever on this earth & was sobbing my eyes out, he got me to close my eyes & took out a Pandora box. I've never ever raved or wanted Pandora because I personally felt that people (esp girls) ruin the true meaning of owning a Pandora or Tiffany at sucha young age. Because nowadays, its sucha norm to own one that I felt its value being abused like its nothing special anymore. Its funny how I was telling him this while we were heading to dinner & the next thing I knew, he got me a Pandora bracelet.

The entire paragraph I mentioned about it losing its value instantly vanished while he told me how he saved to get me the bracelet & a charm. The next thing he told me made me crumble on the inside, "I wanted to get you a necklace so that you can wear it daily but your parents already got you one & I didn't wanna replace something that they gave you so I got you this instead." I was at loss for words because I was dumbfounded by his explanation and all I could say was "thank you so so much boo" over and over again.

I was taken aback by his very thoughtful and sweet thought because how many guys out there actually bother about something so minor yet so important. I believe they'd prolly (just an assumption) worry about what design, what brand, what size, the cost & forget about what the parents got for the girl or the significance of it. But my lovely boyfriend here didn't.

Because of the effort, sacrifice & thought that came with the Pandora, it is the next important thing I wear with me everyday & everywhere. It means so much to me that I decided to not casually buy charms for it but instead, buy a charm to signify an important milestone in my life.

If that wasn't enough to make my legs jelly & have me sobbing, he presented to me my final gift - a letter in a bottle. Letters in a bottle is our thing because throughout our entire relationship, Kai would give me letters in a bottle from time to time. Currently, I have 4-5 bottles with me & I'd take the letters out occasionally to read & remind myself how blessed I am. 

But out of all the presents I received, the best one is Kai. I would trade everything else for him because I couldn't imagine life without him. He makes everyday the best day ever & he brings genuine smiles & laughter to not only me but everyone around him. I'll never ever know the capacity of love his heart holds because I only know that it is ever overflowing. Thank you love, for being my greatest blessing & joy in life. I love you boo! 

Fifth: dinnz with Grace, Dave & Zach. Thank you so much guys for having a simple dinner with me after work/school. Being around you all brings back so many memories of Society Days & many tummy aches from laughing & laughing. With us graduating from Ngee Ann, I sincerely hope that you all will continue giving to the people around & to society for you guys are people with so much love & care. Spread the joy & love around & I hope that we continue to keep in touch.

With all that, I'm twenty. I'm beginning to slowly step into the working world, taking on many responsibilities along the way. I find myself having more courage & ability to pursue my goals & dreams, turning them into reality. While a part of me will always wish to never grow up, I am also glad to personally experience "growing up". I see myself making plans for my future & to achieve my little goals & I rejoice. My perceptions & views change a lil day by day, differing from my younger days' thoughts. But I'm not afraid because its all part of growing up.

From this year onwards, I hope to see myself constantly growing & learning, loving the people around me furiously and bravely achieving what I've always yearned to do and would  want to do while keeping my values & principles close to my heart. 

XX.

SO, WADDUP?

I was going through my photos trying to decide which entry I should start with & wow, am I impressed with the mountain-like pile I have! Really am lost on where I should start my updates so I've decided to gone with my past few days worth of happenings & what are the plans for post-grad.

On Sunday, we celebrated my Ah Ma's birthday. After the age of 16, where three of my grandparents went to heaven, I started appreciating every time I had with my Ah Ma & openly showed my love & affection for her. Be it taking time out to have a meal with her, teasing her, talking to her or giving her pecks of kisses during our family which makes everyone laugh.

Perhaps the only reason why I started to make it a point to shower her with love openly was because I didn't want to have that second regret of not spending enough time with my Ah Ma. Day by day she's aging & I'll never know what might happen. So I don't want to have any opportunity fly by and have it become my second regret.

Till date, the only regret I have is not spending time with my grandparents who've passed. Especially my gong gong & popo (paternal grandparents) who've loved and adored me ever since I was born. Being brought up by them & having them in most of my childhood memories is the only reason why I'm so attached to them. I've always felt this additional amount of love they've had for me compared to my other cousins & this strong bond we've always shared.

During my recent trip to Melbourne, I remembered a car ride conversation I shared with Faith & Ern Ting. It started with me asking "Dajie, do you have any fondest/best memories you've shared with gong gong & popo? I mean, because you're the oldest among the Chang cousins?" 

Side track a lil: Faith left for Melbourne after she got married, I was prolly 6 or 7 then. Hence the younger Changs had little to none recollection or any form of interaction till she had the boys & came back to Singapore more often than before. I never got the chance to have a heart to heart conversation with her ever till this trip & I'm glad I did. 

Faith shared with us about the days where she lived with them in their house & her impression of gong gong was that " He was a traditional, conservative man just like any Chinese man of course. A man with little words but has loads of love within. He was very particular about manners too. But he expresses his love and care through his actions. For example, every morning he would make me breakfast without fail. He did not talk much but breakfast was made by him, not by popo. Surprising isn't it? So I was a lot closer to him than popo." 

As she went on sharing her memories & experiences with gong gong and popo, I couldn't help but quietly shed tears at the back of the car. Conversations revolving them always gets to me. I miss them so so much & I've this little ache in my heart because I know that I can never turn the clock back to spend more time with them. I've always taken for granted that gong gong popo would be around for my wedding and other milestones in life.

Then she shared one moment which got me choked up a lil more. "Hmmm but my fondest memories would be when I flew back to Singapore for the first time with Luke during CNY and we all had a gathering in the function room. Gong gong & popo were there too & I don't know if any of you saw but gong gong had tears in his eyes. I saw it & I think he was really comforted and happy to see the entire family reunited. Like every member of the family being together in the same place, that was my best to visit Singapore."

We went on talking and sharing about how they passed away, what exactly happened, our thoughts etc. Despite it making me tear quite badly, I was really glad to be able to hear Faith's impression of my gong gong and have more memories of my gong gong in my heart. It was really surprising for me as well when I heard Faith's impression of gong gong cause it was totally not how I viewed him.

To put into simple words, he was a man who was very particular about manners especially during meal times. He always protected me and shielded me from scolding sessions by my parents. He'd always tell my dad in Hainanese "It's okay, don't scold her." He would then pull me aside to wipe away my tears and tell me to be obedient and quietly stuff some money into my bag (because my parents always complaint about how much I spent). Of course, I would secretly return the money to him by putting it on his table. But sometimes, the money somehow mysteriously appears back into my bag. He was a very cheeky man too even at his old age, always playing tricks on us to give us a scare. Last but not least, he was very affectionate and was never stingy with the kisses he planted on our cheeks. That's my gong gong for you.

I miss them so so much :'(

Okay, enough with those tear-jerkers above. This was from my Mondate with Kai! Hehe we finally bought our first pair of couple shoes aka Superga. Love love love this pair, aren't they gorgeous? Went for dinnz @ Standing Sushi Bar & indeed their sashimi wasn't a disappointment! Most def coming back for their sashimi but on the other hand, was really disappointed with their bento sets. They've rather yummz Tempura too!

Always love meeting Kai on Mondays because it kickstarts my week on a really highnote! Best to meet everyday HAHAHA! But now that school has started for him & I'll be working in May, I guess it would be highly impossible. Been meeting him almost everyday during his hols & it's definitely gonna take extra effort to adapt back to meeting him twice-thrice a week.

With work starting in May, I really wanted to spend more time with my family & also catch up with my friends since I've been spending most of my hols with Kai. I woke up this week wanting to meet up with friends & be updated with their lives. Of course, I also wanted to spend some alone time doing things I like. Kinda felt that I've neglected the other people around me because I always wanna meet Kai hahahha, I still love meeting Kai okay! It's another realm when we're together hehe. So since school has started for him so why not use the time to meet my friends (:

Caught up with Nisa & Sarah over Macs today for dinnz & "Old is gold". Despite us not meeting for so so long, it still felt like our good old YT days. Talking about what we've been doing, plans for the future, gossips & bursting in horrendously loud laughter as always. Thank you bbygs for this evening!!

Now that I've semi-graduated from Ngee Ann, I'm moving on to my next phase in life: getting a job. Thanks to my scholarship bond, I didn't need to fret over looking for a job & actually scored myself a really good job with NFC. Thank you God, for constantly paving my road ahead of me with many great opportunities. Doors and doors of chances opened during my poly journey & it is all thanks to You. As mentioned, I'll be starting work in May & yay to working near home (best thing ever when ya working)!! 

This job has also posed me with a new challenge: teaching with 2-3 year olds. 

As much as I love kids & enjoy teaching, I've always had this "fear" of kids below 3 because they're so fragile and all. But I believe that this will be a good chance for me to change that mindset of mine & appreciate them as well. #earlymaternaltraining HAHAHA

Aites, that's the end of my wordy post!

Hope you all had a good day & if you didn't, tomorrow will be better!

XX.