Update.

One of the best nights I've ever had! Thank you guys & well done for our first event (:

Imma lazy possum now so its back to my shows & a good night's rest after completing my assignments for this week.

A proper update the next time round, promise.

Talked to C & I was taken aback by what I was told. Not sure if I should feel good about it or just cursing under my breathe because we're on the same frequency but what's stopping everything from taking the next step?

XX.

Sup guys! Hello Joel, if you're reading this (;

Well, it has not been the best of weeks but I guess I'm still trying to make it the best to my existing energy left.

Packed with assignments (tons of them), shits to settle & things I've been dying to get done. Very amazed at how strong my immune system is as I've expected myself to fall really sick especially since the weather is terribly hot & the lack of rest. But signs of stress is pretty evident now as I see pimples forming on my face :'(

[edited on 21 May, 9.52pm]

Really glad that we managed to complete 60% of the project work and I believe that most of it can be done by the end of the week, leaving me time to complete my own assignments & giving my mind a break. This sounds likea good plan, me likey. (:

I don't know if its just me or maybe I'm still in the holiday mood, I feel that I'm pretty chillax for this heap of assignment. Or maybe, there are other stuffs to handle hence the less emphasis on work. 

I've never been able to balance out all aspects of my life. I really wished I could master that ability & I would go easier on myself. That's how life works isn't it? We can never get the best of both words and at times, things just don't go the way you deem  it to be.

I know that I'm going too hard on myself but its absurd how I see things but I can't voice it out. Not when things are in sucha state. I know things but it can't be changed for nuts. I'm just disappointed at the way things are now, currently. But what is the right or appropriate way to conclude it all? I guess there's none.

So much more to rant, thank god I'm meeting my Excos tomorrow! (: mood-saver, those people are. And on a side-note, I really need to take time out meeting those that I've not met in ages. Its like I miss all of them, every single individual. What have I been doing the past few weeks?

Because of all that has been going on, I've unconsciously form a bond with Dave, Ping, Raych, Joel, Zack & Grace. I'm very thankful for every single one of them for being here for each other, helping each other get through. The past few weeks have been tough, really tough but the peak of it all is that we've forged friendships & came out stronger than before. I really do hope that we can keep it that way && meet up more often. (: As mushy as this sounds, I've been dying to bump into them the past few days. Cause I miss them truckloads :'(

I miss talking to you :( Many a times, I had this urge to pick up the phone & dial for you but I told myself I had to be independent. Not that I have no one to talk to, I do but its just different with you. Your voice soothes me, I don't know why either, it just does. I miss our conversations where we talk rubbish, H2Hs, where we help each other see things differently & how very honest we can be. Sigh, urge/wish/hope to talk to you soon.

XX.

Empty Shell.

I wished I had the power to do something, anything just to relieve the hurt that it has caused. Discomfort & pain over happiness, that's what I felt that instant.

To be frank, I didn't expect myself to be so affected by it. I knew no matter what the outcome, I would be upset but not so bad that there is this negativity revolving around me.

Sometimes, life sucks ; reality hits you in the face but we gotta pick ourselves back up & face reality. I don't like the entire idea of the whole thing because I just couldn't bear to picture the outcome because it would hurt this bad.

Bonds forged, people starting to feel attach to one another, relying on one another, like Family. I guess that's the one of the main reasons why it hurt for me. It's kinda like having to tear a family apart & that sucks big time. :( Gave the tightest hugs to them & I really am glad to have met every one of you.

Couldn't stop thinking about the entire thing, couldn't stop questioning for the decisions made. Why? What is the definition of good dynamics? How do you define what is good and not good? Maybe there were reasons why such decisions were made but but it didn't have to end up this way.

Its not cool to be hurting others, esp this way. Objectivity over emotions? Nah, I don't think I can even do so, especially not when you see your good friends hurting. Feels like a chunk of me is gone. I didn't expect myself to form such close bonds with most of you & I didn't expect myself to be so attached to you guys but I can clearly see how attached I am to you all right this very moment.

Hopes & dreams were dashed because of the decision made & this just feels so horrible, fucking horrible. I really can't go on typing because words are just sufficient to superficially express it.

Breaks my heart to see you all like that, love you guys with all my heart always.

xoxo

When?

Perhaps a good, old, sappy love movie will do the trick.

XX.

Blocked Out.

It feels good to not catch up with the world's pace & slow down just for a day. Taking strides in my own comfort zone instead of always having to keep up with everyone's speed. Woke up at a time which my body approved & did things I wanted to do for the longest & catch up with my to-do list.

 Confession: I AM A BIG WORRIER.

This bad habit of mine has been with me since I was 10, yeah I tend to over-worry about situations which aren't going right to me. I worry about being a klutz, I worry about deadlines, I worry about the piled-up work, I worry. 

But when I don't worry, I really do not. I can't give a two-shoots about the slightest thing & do what I really want to do. I'm on the extremes of the line & never in the middle where I can worry yet cut myself some slack in the process simultaneously. And that is so damn bad but I'm still figuring out a way to get it balance, so hopefully I can find a solution to it soon. (:

 I need a good break, a long sleep or something. My body & mind has been failing me the past week & the fatigue is very over-whelming. I can prolly sleep on the streets if I could. Immediately lie on the sofa & I end up sleeping, that's how tired I am. To compare with me after camp & now, I'm most definitely shaggier now. And guess what, I DID NOTHING! 

 Body definitely showing signs of rebelling & I just gotta listen to it and take a breather.

I wanna drown in my thoughts with someone. Someone whom I can be entirely myself with, someone who would listen, someone who would  have such deep talks with me. And, I think I know who in mind (;

******

I felt a lil helpless after reading what you blogged, I didn't know that so much was happening. I ached a lil inside knowing that you've been going through so much but ached even more knowing that I can't do nuts to help you. If only you would open up to me & let me help you. You don't know, don't know how much we love you & how you make us all proud always. I'm sorry that you don't see all that, believe me I really want to help but I just don't know how. Pains me so much to see you have such thoughts.

xx

Glorious.

#throwbacks

The sky at the other end is always bluer, that's what they all say but it really is indeed bluer (like literally). Was just going through photos to print for Mother's Day & I caught myself really enjoying all these photos. (:

Everything seems so heavy now & my constant procrastination doesn't seem to help at all. C'mon chi, you gotta get it going. I really need to sit down for a full day to get the engines started. But of a late, I've been really really tired. Sleep is never enough, rest is never enough & I'm getting even more lethargic as the day passes. Gosh, so much bad energy within me.

On a bright note, I got to print out more photos & my wall looks absolutely fab right now. Every morn, I wake up to this wall of photos of people whom I love so much & inspiring quotes that I feel so blessed everyday. so much love guys!

Jitters for Tuesday already :( But I gave my 200% & I will never change anything to have what I experienced & the friendships forged.

xx.

So, whatcha doing now?

Because the most beautiful things come from the simplest joys ever.

April, you've taught me so much. So much more than I had in mind. Really thankful for the Jr Excos because they've been one strong pillar of strength, each & every single one of you. We may have our differences but you guys all taught me so much & come what may, we'll always have each others' backs, always.

Finally, the hectic week of NP50 is over! Last night was prolly one of the memorable nights I had in NP, #HMSPRIDE. We're the only school that cheered our hearts out for our D4F dancers, grabbing hands tightly while they announced the results, hugging everyone because we were that proud & happy.

*****

May is gonna be a busy busy month, especially with the piled-up assignments but I believe that we got it covered (; I'm lovin' my  groupmates & I'm really really grateful for having them.

Can't wait for all the dates I've planned with people whom I've not seen in ages & of course foodie hunts (: Powerpack May but I'm gonna conquer you.

I'm starting to miss my long hair :(

xoxo.

So, whatcha doing now?