I wished I had the power to do something, anything just to relieve the hurt that it has caused. Discomfort & pain over happiness, that's what I felt that instant.
To be frank, I didn't expect myself to be so affected by it. I knew no matter what the outcome, I would be upset but not so bad that there is this negativity revolving around me.
Sometimes, life sucks ; reality hits you in the face but we gotta pick ourselves back up & face reality. I don't like the entire idea of the whole thing because I just couldn't bear to picture the outcome because it would hurt this bad.
Bonds forged, people starting to feel attach to one another, relying on one another, like Family. I guess that's the one of the main reasons why it hurt for me. It's kinda like having to tear a family apart & that sucks big time. :( Gave the tightest hugs to them & I really am glad to have met every one of you.
Couldn't stop thinking about the entire thing, couldn't stop questioning for the decisions made. Why? What is the definition of good dynamics? How do you define what is good and not good? Maybe there were reasons why such decisions were made but but it didn't have to end up this way.
Its not cool to be hurting others, esp this way. Objectivity over emotions? Nah, I don't think I can even do so, especially not when you see your good friends hurting. Feels like a chunk of me is gone. I didn't expect myself to form such close bonds with most of you & I didn't expect myself to be so attached to you guys but I can clearly see how attached I am to you all right this very moment.
Hopes & dreams were dashed because of the decision made & this just feels so horrible, fucking horrible. I really can't go on typing because words are just sufficient to superficially express it.
Breaks my heart to see you all like that, love you guys with all my heart always.
xoxo
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