BLUE TO MY BONES.

Did you really meant what you said out loud? So loud that I can hear you from the TV room to my room. And, this time round it hurt. It really did.

The two sentences, killed all the joy I accumulated in a day. Just gone like that. Do you ever know how I feel? Well, let's see - No. I guess the reason why we bicker all the time is because we've one similarity, stubborn & very headstrong. Kinda like rubbing two stones against each other, heat is produce. And yeap, all the anger and hurtful words start coming out.

I don't pick an arguement for the sake of it y'know, it's so tiring to be home after school and then WW Thousand happens. That's one of the reasons why I don't really like heading back home for dinnz, it's because I think/feel that dinner would be so much more peaceful without my presence. And I really think it's true.

There are times when I just close a ear & believe that you've had a long day at work and you just need a ranting outlet but of course, I've days like that too. And sometimes, you just cross the line. I don't understand or I might never comprehend your principles or how your mindset works. Because to me, they don't make any sense. The rest in the fam just can't be bothered, are to tired to tell you that but I cannot tolerate all that shit.

Sometimes, I don't know how it all ended up like this. The atmosphere, the communication, the way we run as a family, it's all different now & I don't like it one bit. Yes, we do have those days where we're all in a good mood and things like that & you and mummy really work hard to give us a better than average life with annual holidays, investing in stuff etc. I don't deny all these & I understand how hard it is. Trust me, I really do. It's just the way we communicate, yeah I think that's the root to it all.

Most of the time, I wish I could be very very open with you and mummy like how open I can be with a stranger. Pouring out my thoughts, rants, share with you all how my day went, introduce all of my friends to you, share lil secrets with you, tell you about my crushes, share with you gossips and things like that. Most teens these days might not understand why and might not like it but I do. I really want to. 

I honestly envy those who can be like that with their parents, it's so amazing. That's something I really for to happen. But I thank God for my amazing Godparents. I might not be able to do all those with my parents but at least, I can do so with my Godma. I thank them for taking out time to listen to me share about my everyday life. It's a really special & heart-warming feeling you get when you share things with them, especially happy moments. I love how I can tell them about my dates, about my school, about my friends, about Kaiwen. I love how they will sit down and listen. I love how they give my advice when I face problems and they guide me along the way. I really love family-time & the closeness a family has. I believe that these are special, individualized gifts from God.

Two in the morning now, glad to have them off my chest and hopefully head to bed with a lighter heart. 

XX.