CHAPTER ONE ; PAGE ONE.

It took me this long to churn this post out because I spent a long time trying to express my heartfelt gratitude to each of them. 

[edited 8 Jan, 1:22AM]

2013 has been a blessing in disguise for me & it was one year that taught me so much. It wasn't easy, very rocky initially but nevertheless, I'm still glad that everything turned out so much better than what I expected & everything fell into place so perfectly.

"If it's meant to be, everything will fall into place"

This quote was 2013's present for me & it is now a mantra(sort of) which I hold so close to my heart and also something that I believe in because, it happened.

I now fully understand what it means & every single incident, experience, person is part of it.

****************

 In the start of 2013, I was in the midst of figuring out about myself & many other things. It was a breakthrough for me to dared to take a step out of my comfort zone & having courage to put an end to my misery (though it's now my source of bliss & happiness). 

I learnt something really important: To always love myself first before loving others. In short, to never, ever short-change myself in any other manner. 

For a few years, I placed others' happiness at the expense of mine. I made decisions that made the other party happy but not me. But in 2013, I made up my mind & learnt to say "No". I wasn't going with the flow as much, I made decisions which I felt happy about making. And that's when the quote " love yourself before others can love you" fell into place. How could I let others love me when I wasn't doing a proper job of loving myself? So yeap, till date I don't regret that decision I made.

This 12 months wouldn't have been so meaningful if not for each &everyone of them. I'm ever so thankful for their existence in my life and how they've played such important roles at different times of my life. I believe that they appeared at the right time in different situations, only to offer guidance, support, strength & love.

2013 brought a whole new level of challenges & tests (emotionally) and it made me had a new perspective of life, society as well as people nowadays. People in reality, come in so many forms but of course, I've met the nicest big bunch of people as well as the not-so-nice ones but they've all done their part to make me who I am today.

Alright guys, it's gonna be a lengthy/wordy one so hang in there.

Clique

If ever one day, the whole world turns against me, I know that you girls will have my back. These girls are angels that I hold very dearly to my heart and these girls are that close friends that'll go through thick & thin with you for a lifetime. And we've proven that because after 12 years, we're still as tight. Though we're now busy with our lives & commitments but we all share that special bond. We don't need to meet up daily to sustain this friendship but we'll be there for each other, always.  I can't believe we've come to another milestone of our lives and I really can't wait for us to be ladies, get married (my fave), have kiddos, grow old & laugh at each others' wrinkly face.

 I cannot thank you girls more because I know that I can keep my deepest secrets with you all and have you all tell me straight in my face to wake up my idea when I'm heading down the wrong path. Thank you for respecting my decisions and standing by me when I chose not give up on kaiwen though I know all of you were really worried and wanted to protect me as much as possible. Thank you for protecting me to the best of your abilities, for picking up my calls at 1am in the morning or for just lending me a ear to nag. Because the term - best friends, isn't enough to describe our special bond, I find "bestests" the most appropriate term (till I find an ever better one).

Eunice

2013, really pulled you closer to me even closer than we were. Maybe it's because we live really near, it's really easy to find you when I need you. Just a call, and a street away that's where you are. When you're with me, it feels just like home. You've been a sister, a teacher, a mother, a bestest to me and you're a gem, Eunice. You have this big heart and a pair of patient ears, that's what makes you so special. You never fail to make the people around you feel themselves and not afraid to laugh at their own mistakes & pull them back up again. I love how we have impromptu meet-ups, or just chilling at each others' place. We've so much in common &it's honestly so amazing to have this sisterhood with you. When bad things happen, you're one of those whom I want to seek comfort in. 

I can express myself freely when I'm with you, be all drama-mama for one moment & all bimbo the next HAHAHA you'll play along and then, we'll have a good laugh till our tummies ache. I like our stay-home-home-make dinnz best, because we can pour our entire heart's contents with no worries that the other party will look at you differently, leak secrets etc. 

This year has been a rough one for you with the As, finding your first love and coping with stress. But through it all, I've seen you picked yourself up and come out even stronger than before. I am so so proud of you. Knowing that you've met someone whom you've a connection with, I couldn't be anymore happier for you. Finally, you get to experience a fairy-tale and understand what Love does to you, that tinkling magic. Thank you for always finding me when you need someone to guide you & hear you out because that's what makes us even closer. I love you so much LimmyLim & I want to see you happy always.

Fammy

I don't exactly know how or where to start because I find it really difficult expressing my love & gratitude to all of you, esp my parents. I can easily show my love for people outside but I find it really hard to do so to them. This, I find really unfair to them. As the years pass, I know that things within our family aren't exactly how they used to be &we spend lesser time doing things together as a family. I know that I come off as " I don't care about the family" because I often give my opinions as if I'm challenging you all but I just want to fix the cracks. I have so much to say to you all but it's difficult to find the right moment to do so. I know that last year, I've not been spending much time with all of you & that's why one of my 2014 Resolution is to spend more time with the family & helping out with chores. At the end of the day, Family is what keeps everything going.

To be honest, I have this "love-hate" relationship with them. Hahaha does this pass off as weird but yeah I do. They drive me insane everyday & most of the time, I lose my cool. Sometimes, I find myself thinking why am I even stuck with them etc but I hate looking at the negative side & I just want to cherish time with them, if I can. Another resolution I made was to be more patient with them. Like hold in the urge to lose my cool and instead just suck it in.

Hi Mummy, I know you'll most def won't see this but someday, in the future, I will want you to read this. I think you deserve this post because you're extraordinary & simply amazing. I know I may come off as a rebel daughter and all, but I really really care for you so so much. I hope to be able to love you as loud as I can & unconditionally. You deserve the best because you're always putting everyone else above you & it's time for you to be placed first. 

I don't know how you do it but you're just able to suck it up & take it all in. I have so much admiration for you and I would want to be able to pamper you & shower you with abundant of love. This I'll give my best shot because you deserve it all. You're like a super-mummy. Having to work, then rush home to cook dinnz for us cause it's healthy, then continue doing your work, having daddy making unnecessary comments, doing chores, nagging at us. Wow mummy, that's one long list of things you do EVERYDAY. All in all, a big thank you mummy, really.

These two annoying pest. I can't believe that the two of you are growing up & you two are almost completing secondary school (minus Rae). I hope that I've been a good role-model (HOPE) and a good older sister as well. Trust me when I say that I really did alot more sister-ing in 2013, trying my best to care for you all, supporting you all, pampering you all (this you can't deny) & to be frank, I really did try. I just want the best for you two y'know. I know we argue most of the time but I still am glad to have you catch my back at times. 

You kiddos, each & every single one of you played a very big part in helping me find happiness when I had my gloomy days. Each of you inspired me to my future job - a kindergarten teacher & I realised that it was my calling. You all made my practicum days so fulfilling and enriching & I learnt so much from you all. The love & care you all brushed onto me made sucha huge difference to my days and I could not be anymore grateful for every single one of you. All the best for your primary school journey & I hope that all of you will shine bright like the stars in the sky.

My poly life has not been an easy one for me, having to trust & lose trust. I was about to give up on building relationships in poly because everything wasn't smooth-sailing and it left sucha big impact on me. But along the way, I'm really glad to have met these bunch of crazy girls who've made school so so interesting & enjoyable. Thank you girls for being there for me, esp Clara and helping me get through the tough times. Hang in there for all the Projs kay? We're gonna ace it!!

All of my YTSS friends - YTSC, YTSS Clique.

I could go on and on about how much you guys mean to me & how supportive all of you are. You guys were there for me through the good & bad and you guys stuck by me no matter what I did. Sec school friends are indeed ones that you can keep & fall back on no matter what. I loved how I would always rant on Twitter my school work load & one of you will always spur me on and tell me to hang in there. Despite going to different schools and having so much on our plate, we still somehow manage to meet up & catch up with one another. I love those alot alot alot.

YTSC, I love how we still have this undying passion & love for council and till now, we still find ourselves going back and contributing in any way we can. I don't know bout you guys but I find it so heart-warming to be back with the Council Family and receiving endless love from everyone. It's so encouraging to see that what we've done in the past, now brought forward to the upcoming batches. It was all worth it. Quoting Mr Wo "No one can ever take away this moment, one of your life's best moment, away from you." And yes, YTSC is still indeed one of the most life-changing moments for me.

YTSS Clique - Recently, we've been meeting each other slightly more often. From Tim Ho Wan dates, to celebrating birthdays & even Christmas gatherings. Each time we meet, I really am so excited because it'll be another adventure awaiting us. I know that we'll always laugh like there's no tomorrow, gossip like aunties and do insane stuff together. It feels like we're one family now & I couldn't be more thankful for you girls.

Special Mention: my one & only flag-raising partner, Syafiq Bin Senin.

HELLO FIQ! :D you deserve this special mention because you never fail to be there for me since Day 1. When you knew that I wasn't okay (emotionally), you somehow always knew and would drop a text or something to check up on me. When I was really down, you sat & listened to me cry about the same story over and over again. Though I know that you were really disappointed at how I would still stick to the same decision again & again but you just did what a good friend would do, stand by me. 

Whenever I tweeted about me being sick or not feeling well, you would straightaway tell me to drink up, sleep early & see a doctor. Thank you so much for doing all that (': The best was my surprise birthday from you!! Hahaha I never ever imagined that you'll do all that just for me. Awww partner (: A surprise visit at my doorstep wasn't enough, you got me my first ever Man-U jersey with my fave player's name & a hand-written letter. I cannot thank you enough, really. I must have done tons of good stuff in my previous life or did a good job pulling flag to have a partner like you, Senin. I hope that you're doing well in school & I'll soon make a date with you! Saya cinta kau, fiq!!

TEAMMIES/TKD DUDES

To my dearest Teammies, I love you two crazy-ass people so so much! I know that we don't train together anymore, maybe hopefully we can squeeze time to head back for Sunday training and get into action, but we still somehow are tight. We're all busy now :( but I miss the days where we lepaked at Nic's, clean the store, do shit stuff together, head out to town & just be ther for each other. We gotta do that soon kay, before JJ heads off to Tekong! We've seen each other grow, watch each other become better players (esp Nic), how we had each others' backs, encouraging each other during tournaments, listening to Nic bitch about every person on Earth & every other thing teammies do together. I love you guys alot, don't ever forget that.

Daniele Tan & Wister Tan, I'm really glad to have met you two. We have this pretty-odd friendship which I don't know how we sustain but I'm really glad we do. These are the people that I don't have to meet monthly, not even six-monthly. These are the people that I meet once or twice a year but we're still buddies. These are the people that don't ever once complain bout not meeting up but are so darn chill bout it. And it's because we meet so un-regularly that each meet-up is always so interesting & there's so much to chat and catch up about. Of course, they are the ones which I can have deep conversations about, esp Daniele. Thank you two for taking care of me like a lil sister & always popping at the right times to keep me going & encouraging me. I know I'm not exactly the best friend that can have all the time in the world to meet but deep inside, I really am grateful for the two of you, really really am. Thank you for staying & not leaving just because we don't meet all the time.

USUALS - BEST BROS EVER

Xie xie ni men for watching out for me from the start & listening talk about Kaiwen for hours HAHAHAHA. Esp in the start of Y2, I wasn't exactly enjoying school at all but it was because of you guys (y'know who I'm referring to) that made school more bearable. In fact, I always look forward to our bus rides to Yishun together & dinnz after that. 

Before I got back with Kaiwen, you all would still tell me a lil here & there bout him and assure me that things will be fine. But of course, you guys were pretty protective over me as well because you all were afraid that I would get hurt. And now that we're all bros, you all protect me even more like how an older brother would protect their sister. As the days pass, I know that a handful of us grew even closer and we're like best bros now. 

When I'm carrying my heavy lappy around, you all will automatically help me carry it. On buses, make sure that I sit if there's only a seat left, nag at me when I skip meals cause I'm busy or lack of sleep. Sometimes, I forget that I'm a girl because I really feel like a part of you all, so comfortable around you guys. But then again, you guys will remind me that I'm one because you guys get protective of me if I rant about mean people, nag if you all think I'm wearing "too revealing" etc. So pampered hahaha! I'm always so thankful for you guys &  how we've all gotten this close. Yay, here's to more bro-years to come *brofist

HO KAIWEN

You don't need a dedication because you just have to read all my post since I started this blog & nearly every one is about you or written to you. Just compile all the posts ever since we got back in June and viola! Your personal dedication (; kekekeke

A short & simple one for you because you know exactly what I want to say. Thank you for finally acknowledging your feelings & conquering your "commitment". Because if you didn't take that leap of courage & give us a last shot, we wouldn't end up like how we are today. See, I always knew that things weren't as easy as it seems for us & I always knew that we were never-finished business. Since 15, I knew you were the one & that's why I never gave up hope.

Thank you for being my best friend & boyfriend. Y'know the rest, I love you sweetheart.

XX.