MY DEFINITION OF LOVE

How I foresee this post:

- requires abit of editing because it's kinda tricky to find the right words to express my feelings

- requires time because I need to think it through before I get them out

Ernchi's perspective/thoughts of love:

I was having a talk with my tutor a week ago, when we started the topic on relationships & love. I told her how I felt that Adults do not have the rights to tell us, their kids, or anyone that " You don't know what love is." Because ever since we came into this universe, this world, we have already experienced it. Parental love. The way how the proud parents look at their precious little one, how tears of joy stream down their faces looking at the angel God sent, how they hold their child so tightly in their arms and embrace him/her.

Childhood crushes, infactuations, admiration, puppy love, teenage love, first serious relationships - all these are proofs of love. Though some don't end exactly how you picture it or some may break your heart but you cannot deny that all these aren't forms of love. At that moment, at that point of time, these were your perception on love.

It might not be those head over heels sort, it can be a week crush, a month's worth of infactuation - it might not necessarily be those deep kind of love but it was the foundation, the build-up of the existing love you may have with or for someone right now.

Looking back at my old crushes, teen love, I might not think that I have loved them  the way I love now, but at that time, I thought that "hey, this is love". I may not have love them so deeply but it was based on those experiences that I form my own understanding of Love.

Everyone has their own way of loving & so do I. We should never ever tell someone else how to love a person because there is no right way or wrong way of loving. Everyone has their own unique way of loving, you, me, him, her and even I. How I'll love a person may differ from anyone else living this world. No doubt, it may seem/sound the same but the little details, the hidden effort, it is all different. 

"Hey, they sound like they have had the same love story as XXX" but no. No matter how similar each love story sounds, it is d i f f e r e n t. 

How they met, how their sparks ignited, how they had their first dates, first kisses, fights, sweet moments - these are all different. No doubt, the "structure" ( Start, Middle & End ) may be alike but the little details, the little actions and every other thing that falls in between is different.

As I mention earlier on, there's no right or wrong way of loving but there are toxic loves. It'll take away the soul of a being & steal every glim and glam of happiness, faith, hope in a person. For those who are strong enough, they'll pull through, they'll learn to pick themselves up and take the first step. Unfortunately, there are others who hit rock bottom. So deep that it's a struggle, a tough one, before they eventually get out of that hole. But what I'm saying is, no one said it was easy neither is it hard but one fine day, you'll make it.

Love is - an understatement. Because till date, I cannot find any adjective close enough to describe love. Love makes me really really happy, like out of the world-kind of happy but also, it's strong enough to push me into the deepest pit of resentment, sadness & disappointment. But at the same time, it brings along hope, faith & maybe, confidence towards a person.

Love makes me have butterflies in my tummy, even until now. I've known Kaiwen since we were 14 (that's 5 years already) & though in the past, we had an extreme roller coaster ride and being together for almost 9 months, I still have butterflies in my tummy when I see him. When I see that smile he wears on his face & that figure walking towards me, I can't help but squeal a little on the inside.

Love  - is amazing. It gives people this strength, this ball of courage, this spur of energy. It creates miracles. Love makes me do all sorts of things which I've never imagined myself doing. The great lengths I'll go to see the people I love, the person I love happy. Even if it requires me sacrificing some of my time, some of my sleep, to me, it's all well worth it. In fact, that moment when you see their faces light up, deep down inside you know that it is well worth it.

Love is -  beautiful. Even things that aren't so pretty/attractive looks beautiful to you. It brings you strength to pull through a rough day, it makes you feel as though you're living in a musical. Love brings out the best yet vulnerable side of you. But you see, that's what Love does. It gives you that oomph of strength to show your most vulnerable side, trusting that he/she isn't going to betray you and make you feel horrid of yourself. 

You trust him/her so much that you'll one day share your deepest and darkest secret that you've told no one about, you trust that he/she won't leave though you've revealed your strengths & flaws entirely. Because they'll still love you for who you are & won't stop guiding you to be a better version of yourselves. He/she isn't going to make you hate yourself, neither is he/she gonna guilt-trick you into feeling bad for your flaws. 

Love - has no boundaries. Even me, I don't know where to draw the line when it comes to loving someone. When I love, I want to love fiercely, to love with all my heart & every ounce of me. I want to love loudly & express my love in any ways possible. 

I can hug you every hour of the day & not get sick of it. Tell you in your face that I love you this muuuccchhh and feel fireworks in me. I don't mind drafting out long texts for you every day and not run out of words to say because there is so much I would like to tell you. I wouldn't mind coming up with tiny surprises if it makes your day because it makes mine too. I just want to shout to the whole wide world " I LOVEEEEEE YOUUUUUU "

Love is wanting to see the person every single day and doing the same old routine over and over and not get sick of it because it's still an adventure with different experiences. It is being able to be your 300% self, showing your not-so-attractive side of you. It is removing the mask you wear at times & the forced-out habits. You love every single thing about him. The way he eats, the way he laughs, the way he farts, the way he stares at you, the way he nags (though it gets annoying at times), the way he annoys the shit out of you, every single thing from head to toe, from outer to inner character.

On days when it does not sail smooth, you just want to love him even more. I don't even know what's that "more" but I just want to love him extra more. 

Love - is powerful. Sometimes, even the strongest & smartest people end up being a weak, confused being. Love makes people so annoyed at times, Love confuses people, Love might be scary to some, Love love love.

Maybe that's why it's called falling in love because it'll somehow find it's way back to you. There's no secret to it. It just happens. You two might have cross paths before but maybe it wasn't the right time. You can search the entire world for it but it might not come to you. But who knows one fine day, when you stop searching, it'll appear infront of you before your very eyes.

And what about me?

I am in love, deeply, madly in love. It consists of a mixture of my perfect fairy-tale & reality. I amaze myself at times when I become even more patient, more giving than I used to be. 

It is insane because sometimes, I'm still unconvinced that I'm in sucha amazing relationship.

It is one of the main reasons behind my smile, why I go to sleep soundly (still smiling) & waking up in bliss, waking up to morning texts which makes my day, every single day. I don't know what are the limits to me loving Kaiwen but I just know that I'll love him in every single way possible, in every way that I can.

 I'll let my love for him & of course my family and friends, go on and on and on. Y'know kinda like how you pluck the petals off a flower but there's still layer around the bud. Something like that.

There's this tweak of glow in his eyes & it makes me flutter each time without fail. And as each day passes, I fall in love with something different about him. It can be the way he puts his family above others, the way he's so determined to get something done, the ever-giving heart of gold, the way he's like an asian-version of the cat whisperer (he's so good with cats, it's weird sometimes), the way he nags at me when I'm a klutz, how he'll fuss over my wound, the way he pulls me to his side when I get unwanted stares in the coffee shop, how he calls me "silly" because I love it when he does so.

I seek comfort in his presence, even more comfort in his arms. I know that I'll be fine because he's there. He's like a portable home. Bringing warmth and love everywhere I go. It feels like I'm in an another universe where it's just me & him and him & me. It's insane, this kind of love but it's amazing. What the hell man. 

And this right here, is MY definition of love.

XX.