Endless lies.

I've never had sucha strong urge to blog ever, today's the first.

It might be a bore to you guys but i really need them of my chest.

Later's gonna be the first time that i'm gonna risk our relationship. Make it or break it. I'm hoping that months or days down the road, i won't regret this. Because its high time i really get to know the ultimate truth.

And i hope that you'll be frank with me, really frank.

Geez, everything's sentimental of a late. And its funny how this week, you've popped into my head more than a gazillion times after one dream. Just one dream. I realised that you are the root of everything. Well, mostly.

he's way too nice to get hurt and all this shit from me.

But whenever i see him, i see you. Its really not fair, not fair to him. He deserves better, way way better. and i don't wish to hurt him ever. This week's shit is prolly too much on his plate. I enjoy being around him, hanging out and all but it feels so different. Different, how different i have no clue.

 For the past one & a half year, that's what i've been doing. Keeping myself busy, hoping that as each day passes, you'll eventually leave too but i guess its not what my heart wants. Others say " Move on Ernchi, you'll meet someone else", yes i have but none of them make me happy as you do. I don't have that butterflies in my tummy feeling, i don't get tongue-tied, i don't get that flushed feeling. I didn't think you'll be the one for me, till i took our word and gave it a try.

And as each day passed, i love you more than i ever could. I was genuinely happy. I found my boy at last. I have no clue what it is but there's something about you that makes me swoon over you. 

and now, when i talk to you, i have to search the dictionary in m brain to find the right words to say to you. I get nervous and start to panic. simply because i want to look my best for you. 

that's right. You can't turn Love on & off. If i could, i would have because its literally killing me. I can't stop talking about you All the time & definitely can't wipe that enormous grin off my face when something relates to you and you're the first person i think off. Do you still feel the same?

Totally true. I honestly never thought that I'll get together with you. I guess that one year of shit was worth it for you. Everyday seemed like an adventure & every fight brought us closer. I could never be upset or mad unless it was caused by you. You were my happy pill. and i want an experience like that again. We didn't go far far away, didn't eat at posh places but we had our own kind of fun. And it was wayy better than heading out. its the company that we had. No words can describe it. You made me feel like the luckiest girl on earth, you made me feel like nothing was a challenge.



 

 why can't for once, we take matters into our own hands.

 I guess we tend to be vulnerable at times don't you think? But there's this feeling-thingy that tells us to keep moving though it kills.

After so long, you don't hurt as much as before. But occasionally, it stings. You don't know how you drive me sane and get so caught up in the past when its 2012. Have you ever thought how differen things might be if you did fight for me. Especially when you could have fought for me but you didn't. Remember at Swee Liang's place?

 AND SO BACK TO THE FUTURE.

and so all this while, how have you been doing? Fine? Great?

do i haunt you sometimes? I just want the truth. Tell me the truth with no regrets or having thoughts like " i know that she'll meet someone better"

I guess this will be my last post for you.