Wake up call.

there are so many things spinning in my mind right now. Was it God's call for me to stumble upon your blog. It was all too oblivious to me. I had no clue that you cared this much. I had no idea how complicated your world was. Your thoughts especially, so twisted. Did i neglect you, or did i assume that you were fine on your own? I've never been so worried for you, in fact I presumed that you were matured. I didn't know that you were going through so much shit & that you needed support. On the outside, you were so fine but actually inside, you were crumbling. I really want you to be happy and fine. I guess i took you for granted all these years. I always thought that you don't give a shit about me but hey, I was wrong.

It occurred to me, if i was living up to my responsibilites and expectations to guide you through. Guess, maybe i failed. I wasn't there to protect you, help you, guide you. That's prolly one of my biggest regrets now.

Same environment, same exposure but the outcome?

This time round, i'm not gonna ditch you. I really wanna help because i love you and its my duty to be there for you. Was this all God's planning, to show how important you are?

Another incident to show how much i can rely on you. Yes, you may not be the first i approach but when it comes to extremes, i need you. You prolly didn't think I would approach you with such issues. I wasn't looking for an answer from you but i needed assurance from you, your voice soothes me & keeps me calm. I was glad I took the risk because once again, i learnt something. You always keep me in line, to refrain me from straying, refrain me from thinking too much. I was glad we had that talk too, at least i knew your thoughts & the reason behind your actions. But we both know how much we actually care.

Maybe she's right, i'm unknowingly trying to change you. I don't wanna you to be his shadow because its just not you. I would wanna like you for who you truly are and not someone i have in mind. I think i'm fucking selfish. Its obvious that i've made a big mess and it might be time to draw the line. We're both gonna get hurt and you might prolly hate my guts but its for your own good.