Pieces to pick up.

i guess that's the issue with me, over-thinking. I tend to think way too ahead that it kills me, wait no, i'm killing myself. When i was younger, i never had that but only as i grew older, started to experience more shit that i started to overthink.

I make weird ridiculous thoughts which will most prolly never happen, scare myself and complicate things. Issues that were so tiny, turned out so big that it got out of hand. They were simple & manageable but stupid me had to screw it all.

This is shooo bad, gotta get rid of it >:(

Just ended our longest phone call ever this year & it'll prolly never be this long again. Sigh, i feel like kicking myself. I appreciate you being so honest, it may hurt sometimes but i wanna hear the truth.

It wasn't those 100% serious kind but those lil randomness of laughter & teasing yet so sentimental. What ifs? Maybe just like you said, you wouldn't wanna change a thing. But i would wanna be able to go through it again. i wish that you & i would be less complicated too. Like what i said, i don't wanna you to care because you feel obliged to do so, i wanna you to do it from your heart. That you genuinely care. Likea sister, god that tore me apart. Gotta admit, that was disappointing but at least you care right?

I think if we got together when we older & more matured, bet things wouldn't turn out this way cause we clearly have the same mindset. " I was afraid to lose you ...." the rest of the words didn't get into my head because i was focusing on the first six words. Fuck the physical heartache.

But i liggit how honest we are with each other. (: maybe staying as Bestfs would be better? Kill me already, i really wanna this to end. Like get an answer to it.

I don't get it, what's so good about you that I have to be head over heels for you when there are guys who are really nice to me & they treat me as if im a gem. I'm just inflicting more pain to myself, silly old me. I've never thought that it was just me who messed up the signs, giving myself hope to hold on when on your part,you did it for a friend. Maybe we should just stay as Bestfs? Its gonna kill me i swear.

I've never felt anymore shittier than today. Never. Maybe one fine day you'll see, maybe.