When Reality Hits

who ever said it was easy? No one did. Who promised that things will go according to what you planned? Nope, no one said a thing either. Who said that deep down, he'll still have a tinge of love for you, you did you silly girl.

Ah yes, that's when Reality hits you straight in the face. Like having someone slap you till it leaves your cheeks burning. No kiddin'

When he broke the news to me, nothing came out of my mouth. Speechless. Dumbfounded. It took me awhile to realise that this is 2012 & not 2010. Fake a smile ; laugh it off. The best way to console yourself. Who was I tryna kid? "If he really likes her, then ask him to go for it. Move on." pfft, pack of lies. I was dying inside while trying to say that sentence.

Told myself that I break down but when I was talking to Syafiq, tears formed despite me trying to wipe it away. But then it stopped. Swee Liang came & immediately i was like my nursery kids crying for their mummies. Sucha fool I am, a sucker for love. What was i thinking all this while? It was just me, building my own lil castles. It was me who built my own hopes. Silly girl.

Went home, tryna look for something & great, I stumbled upon the box of stuffs you gave me. Read the cards you wrote, "forever", "confidence in us". Then explain this to me. But i really do hope then some stuff you wrote is really true. I hope you'll think of me once in awhile, relieve those memorise okay?

Immune to all the pain, guess I was expecting this to happen, its only a matter of time. Maybe you'll have a different perspective by then. Whatever it is, I just want you to be happy. :'( I don't know how to explain how i feel right now because I think no words can. I feel so insignificant in your eyes. That's it? That's how it ends? Okaycan.

There goes all our plans. My dream.

 And please, don't act like I didn't fight for you because I did more than anyone can imagined. First time I'm doing so much to get a guy back. I did, I really did. I wanted you back, what we had, so badly yearning for it but you didn't reciprocate. So please, one day if you look bad, Do know that I did fucking fight for you.

gonna try my best to move on for real. No matter how much I don't want to, can't bear to & how painful it is, i'll try. Its gonna be 2 years love, 2 fucking years. Hallelujah. I hope you'll be happy, please don't go breaking hearts anymore.

love you forever & always,

xoxo.